Why Porn Soundtracks Blow

When it comes to the history of cinema there are scant few among us who cannot recall the era defining soundtracks to such great films as Saturday Night Fever, The Harder They Come, Pulp Fiction or Trainspotting. Because for the serious music lover, life can be archived by its soundtrack. Perhaps the first time you heard My Bloody Valentine or Public Enemy, you knew where you were, what you were doing, how it made you feel. It is there as we go through periods of huge change, as we grow and learn, as we laugh and cry. It's there for many the first time we kiss someone, the first time we have sex. 

Music helps us form the emotions around our cognitive memory. It colours our lives and helps to shape our identity. For these reasons, music becomes meaningful, intimate. It is the very reason why powerful cinematic experiences are heightened. Would Tony Manero's highly sexualized pomp have amounted to anything without the camp strut of the Bee Gees? Would Ivanhoe Martin's badman antics have carried the same swagger without the gully rock of Toots or Jimmy Cliff himself? And would Vincent Vega's night time city drive been stamped with the same opioid sheen if it weren't for The Centurion's?

Sadly the same cannot be said of the celluloid medium's late night, x-rated cousin. Does anyone know what notes were being struck when Linda Lovelace first demonstrated to Dr. Young that her centre of enjoyment was in the back of her throat? Or for that matter what the tune was as Jeff Stryker forcefully persuaded the prison warden to let him out of the pen early on Powertool? Sadly, in the medium of pornographic film, the soundtrack is usually an afterthought at best. Mention music in porn and most people immediately conjure a slow, suggestive bass line rolling out over a flabby tangle of flesh and hair. Given that porno is nearly as old as the medium of film itself, and that it is the largest of all film genres, it seems wrong that the soundtrack hasn't evolved to the same extent that its more well-heeled big screen sibling has. But sadly it is true. The very notion of music for porn carries with it its own stigma; a cheesy hot pot of tepid funk and sexed-up slap bass to accompany the equally stereotypical dead-eye glaze of the gone-wrong protagonists the films feature.

Music didn't really play a part in porno until the medium itself began to gain some legitimized footing in the late 60's and early 70's. Swedish and Danish movies made forays into the genre via an educational or comedic route; the Danes particularly, increasingly lavished more money on their explicit sex comedy productions in the early 70's. But in terms of mainstream releases, the breakout piece of porno history, Deep Throat, is marked as being one of the most influential films of that time. Not only was it blessed with a plot line, but the score was also tailor made to fit with the thrusts and wiggles of the movie's actors, its soundtrack one of the only commercially released soundtracks to an adult film to date. The vast majority of the films from this era though did not make the same effort with their soundtrack and the genre and its music quickly became unimaginative parodies of themselves. The 80's didn't fair much better; synthesizers took the place of fuzz box guitars and all of a sudden it was possible for one person to make the entire soundtrack to a film, giving an even more two dimensional feel to them. The 90's continued on in this vein, with cut and paste electronic beats proving just as bland a soundtrack, while more recently the popular gonzo style of porn more suited to the You Tube generation rarely features music at all.

Although attempts have been made along the way to bring this balance of music and visuals to some sort of harmony, the closest it ever comes is via the occasional crossover of explicit sex into mainstream cinema. Films like Romance, 9 Songs, Baise-Moi and Shortbus have all featured their share of explicit sex (and in the case of 9 Songs an excellent rock soundtrack), though as they are technically not pornography, they don't strictly count. There are a couple of films worthy of mention though that combine steamy footage with hot music. A soft core erotic project of Richard Kern's called Extra Action features a collection of alt-models getting into mischief either on their own or with other girls to a rousing soundtrack by Thurston Moore. And most recently controversial director Travis Mathews managed to license tracks from San Francisco indie act Girls, the Chromatics and Glass Candy for his latest work titled IWYL (I Want Your Love).

The annual AVN (Adult Video News) awards actually features a Best Music category, though listening to this years winners on the Live In My Secrets film I doubt John Williams is in danger of losing any work. In a bid to find out more about the ins and outs of the music end of the industry I tracked down a couple of experts. And who better to talk to than stars of the films themselves? 56 year old Seka is the star of more than 200 adult films including the Swedish Erotica series that proved very popular in the early 80's. She has worked with such luminaries as Paul Thomas and John Holmes and can still occasionally be found taking it off and getting it on for public consumption.

Joanna Angel is from the new school of porn. Not quite 30 years old, she has starred in close to 80 films, directed over 30 and has her own production company and website. I asked both ladies for their opinions on the music used in adult films.

“To me music is an important part of any kind of movie as it can set the tone, the tempo, the movement”, states Seka. “The music helps to tell the story, maybe that's why the music wasn't so good in my day... let's face it, there really wasn't mush of a story line, though it seems there used to be a start, middle and an end and a reason for having sex. These days it seems that the movie opens and everyone is already nude. As for the music, now think about how many of us even turn up the sound when watching a XXX movie? I know I didn't then and don't now.”

Joanna shares the sentiments that the music is bad, though has more of an insight as to why. “Nowadays producers and directors have added very generic guitar riffs, or bland electronic beats that strongly resemble one of the choices of stock ring tones that your phone comes with. Unfortunately there is a very logical reason for this and that is, that porn is produced for a mass audience, so putting in something bland is a way to "play it safe". Also, the budgets for porn movies are a lot less than the budgets for mainstream movies and licensing music is not cheap.” She also adds that many mainstream acts don't want to touch porn because of what it might do to their reputation. “I know from experience that many music licensing companies won't even talk to you if your intentions are to put their music in a porn, even if the budget is there. It could tarnish the chances of that song potentially ending up in a car commercial, or a kids movie, and those things pay a lot!”

So for over 40 years pussies have been plundered and penises polished all the while to a lacklustre, sonorous accompaniment. The stars have their own favourites they like to listen to whilst not performing. Seka professes a penchant for Barry White, Rod Stewart, Dean Martin and even Michael Bublé, while Joanna prefers something either “fast and angry like Black Dahlia Murder or soft and faggy like Pulp or Morrissey.” A number of years ago I managed to put the same question to the Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy. He bagged hip hop as music to get down to, but gave baroque the thumbs up, then, moustache quivering, said “oh, and Enya of course.” Who would've thunk it?

But just think of the horny heights that could be reached if the stars aligned correctly. Dâm Funk could be laying down hot boogie swirls over strenuous, spermy manoeuvres, Night Jewel could be mixing their spaced-out Italo to the creamy thighs and sighs of porn girls and guys. Bad Brains' very name conjures up a horrific blooper reel of hardcore, oral fixation gone wrong, while the Minutemen's shuddering bursts of free-form punk could provide the climactic money shot to the porno medium's visual equivalent. LCD Soundsystem may even be one step ahead of us all. Their 45:33 album they did for Nike could in fact be a subversive soundtrack for a sweaty porn workout that has completely slipped under the radar. All of a sudden “Losing My Edge” and “You Wanted a Hit” could have whole new meanings.